i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
