i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
