Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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