mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
