she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
