Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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