I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
