I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
