whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
