He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
