this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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