I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Watching her eat just hurts me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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