everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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