Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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