every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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