i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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