to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
