***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he puts the penis in happiness.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
