I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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