If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
