grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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