you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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