Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
