I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
