Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
