he thought i was a dude.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's a Shit stain on my heart
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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