Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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