i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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