our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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