TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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