Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
