it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
