definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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