Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Please don't give away my fajitas
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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