Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
