Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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