Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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