i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
