This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
