I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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