nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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