idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
