Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
