Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
