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she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
