They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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