ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
