This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
be right there i have to get my cape
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
