Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
