you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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