He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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