my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
