im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
