His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
