I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
