The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
