you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
