Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
