dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
