the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
